s p a c e
As I sit here staring at my blinking cursor, I search for the perfect words to the none too daunting question "What is the most meaningful thing to me at this phase of my life?" words like success, achievement, love and contentment all spring to mind and indeed are quite important.
However the one word I want to use most, despite a plethora of great options is space.
What I focus on most these days? The truth is I focus on my career. I have an amazing fiancée who I love with all my heart. I have a crazy family who will surely give to the funnier parts of my memoir. And I have great friends who make the day-to-day bearable.
But still I'm restless. My career isn't exactly where I want it to be. I'm not yet creating the type of impactful projects that inspired me and that I hope will one day inspire others. I have not yet achieved my goals. And like many in my generation, I constantly worry about the financial state of things.
I go back and forth between being inspired to push harder, try more, do something different to get where I want and being crestfallen that I am not there yet.
However, when I'm working, I forget all of this and get lost in the magic of creating something I'm passionate about. When I'm with my fiancée, I sometimes get lost in the beauty of being in love and forget to worry. And when I'm with my friends, I get caught up in the laughter of the moment and forget that THERE ARE GOALS I HAVE TO ACHIEVE! The thing is, in those moment I am happy.
So I ask - what is it in those moments that, in essence, help time stand still and keep the pressure of a passing life and unachieved goals at bay? I think it is space. Caught up in the present moment, a space opens up where previously there were obsessive thought or the constant checking of emails, or worry, or, or, or. Instead, there is just enough room to be aware of what's exactly in front of me. And usually what's exactly in front of me is more beautiful than anything I can imagine in the perfect future that I am, and will continue to be, chasing.
However the one word I want to use most, despite a plethora of great options is space.
What I focus on most these days? The truth is I focus on my career. I have an amazing fiancée who I love with all my heart. I have a crazy family who will surely give to the funnier parts of my memoir. And I have great friends who make the day-to-day bearable.
But still I'm restless. My career isn't exactly where I want it to be. I'm not yet creating the type of impactful projects that inspired me and that I hope will one day inspire others. I have not yet achieved my goals. And like many in my generation, I constantly worry about the financial state of things.
I go back and forth between being inspired to push harder, try more, do something different to get where I want and being crestfallen that I am not there yet.
However, when I'm working, I forget all of this and get lost in the magic of creating something I'm passionate about. When I'm with my fiancée, I sometimes get lost in the beauty of being in love and forget to worry. And when I'm with my friends, I get caught up in the laughter of the moment and forget that THERE ARE GOALS I HAVE TO ACHIEVE! The thing is, in those moment I am happy.
So I ask - what is it in those moments that, in essence, help time stand still and keep the pressure of a passing life and unachieved goals at bay? I think it is space. Caught up in the present moment, a space opens up where previously there were obsessive thought or the constant checking of emails, or worry, or, or, or. Instead, there is just enough room to be aware of what's exactly in front of me. And usually what's exactly in front of me is more beautiful than anything I can imagine in the perfect future that I am, and will continue to be, chasing.
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| 31 October 2015, me as a gypsy woman :) |
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