Surrender Unconditionally

How can I explain my situation right now? It’s not only getting so-called dizziness in emptiness. But also craziness in hollowness . My heart, my brain and my hand have no connection at all. I’m doing what my heart don’t want to. My work, my relationship is not on the track, just like out of the place and I don’t know why.

First, my work. I’m totally doing nothing. Well, okey..like anybody else, I come at 7 a.m. and leave office normally at 6 p.m. And so on, and so on. Time flies and suddenly I realize that there’s something wrong. I have to do something, some what my heart want to do, my brain want to think and my hand want to work.

I know, it’s going to be not easy. Letting go something before getting the new and following passion is not one night-working work.

I have a dream, a dream where I can express my feeling through some media. If an artist has canvas or engineer has autocad. Then I should have fabric and yarn as my media. And yes, I want to be a designer. From this moment on, I decide to be a designer. No matter what the world think about this. I need to find my place in this world. I do believe that somewhere out there, a place has been provided for me and it would be a fashion designer.

I have Jesus and family. I’m sure it won’t be as hard as it looks. All I need to do is just surrender in His name. And trust Him whatever will happen. This is the lesson I have to learn, that I can’t take control everything. There is a part, a huge part that belongs to God and a little part that belongs to me. And yes, surrender unconditionally would be the best way to live.