Aperture

I’ve really been exploring, and curious, and excited about this idea of transformation and potential. Where does real sustainable transformation come from? The idea of potential and what’s possible for us has really been my quest over the last year.

I am living in Handil. The outside city of Balikpapan, East Borneo. I had an average job. My career is good yet satisfying, but I began to realize more and more that I need to make a radical change if I want to experience the same level of fulfillment in my personal life.

It usually starts with a feeling of emptiness. Something within me just feels unsettled. I start looking outside to my circumstances. I start to say, well, maybe it’s the job? So, I need to change something there. Maybe it’s the relationship? I need to change something there. Maybe it’s me? I need to lose weight to be happier. I start to look outside to try to identify all these things. That’s normal, and totally understandable, but I think the real transformation, the real wisdom comes when we look within. Our state of mind and our wellbeing has nothing to do with our external circumstances. It’s driven from within.

My boyfriend once said, “you must throw your stubbornness to fix your problem”. Well, I guess it’s true, my stubbornness is like a stone that prevent light come in. What I’m gonna to say here is when we think about, we’re confused, or we’re frustrated, or we’re deep in a low mood, it’s like a camera. Our aperture is closed by stubborness. It’s hard for light to get in. Our thinking is very contracted and tight. Sometimes just recognizing that creates a loosening, and the aperture starts to open more and more. Then new thoughts can come in, new ideas, new insight. Then, pretty soon my aperture is wide open for more light to come in. This is where potential has more room, more ability to come forth.